I finally finished watching the latest season of Doctor Who, one of my most beloved British television series. Even though the season finale had finished airing in early May, I postponed the viewing of the final 5 episodes until 3 months later because frankly, I hate endings (there are other reasons why I didn’t watched DW, but that’s irrelevent to this blog post). Point is, I often start television series and stop halfway because watching it ’till the end means the show & all its characters will be over.
But Doctor Who characters always pulls out killer lines such as this one and shoots me in the heart with #toomanyfeelings
The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it’s a world, or a relationship… Everything has its time. And everything ends.
— Sarah Jane Smith (Doctor Who Season 2, Episode 3)
This DC chapter is coming to an end in four days. As I keep the running countdown in my head and try not to freak out too much, I oscillate between wanting to hide in a corner where no one can talk to me and not have to say goodbye to wanting to hang out with everbody and anybody. This transition from college –> working world is much more than the high school –> college leap. And in many ways, the going backwards [moving back to my childhood home] while advancing forward [having a full-time job] puts me in the strange limbo place.
Endings suck because at least the here and now is familiar and comforting even in its monotony. Endings means that a fresh start is ahead and foreign ground to tread upon. It means digging into places where people are strangers and not friends yet. It means restarting relationships and allowing people to meet the new me — the one who stretched and changed by college. It’s wierd, and hard. Thinking about it makes my head and heart hurt. I mostly don’t think about it because I. just. cannot. think.
What to do? In some ways, my life parallels the Doctor Who universe because going into it, you know that the Doctor & his companions’ stories will eventually come to an end. My end draws closer and closer with every minute. There is nothing I can do to change that fact. BUT. There’s a big but (ha-ha) because the old and familiar Doctor will regenerate into a new one. And on the next page of my ending opens a new chapter, new adventures, and new stories. The title or chapter theme hasn’t been written yet. But the blank pages await for me to fill and walk across the page with my ink stained footprints.
Crossing over from the ending of this chapter to the next will be messy and hard, I don’t doubt that at all. There isn’t any more “ready” or “preparation” I can do. All that is left is taking the plunge & going to the places deeper than my feet could ever wander.