as the sun laughs through the blinds
and the thoughts run through your mind
all the things you forgot to say
they begin to fade away
the heart is the heart of humanity*
there are so many words i want to say. but articulation fails me.
a friend said, “if it’s hard to say goodbye, then you’re doing it right”. part one of this finale was the story of how i walked through new beginnings and found renewal in my identity through college. this post is the final page in the chapter. the conclusion paragraph. the double bar line.
how do i say goodbye, when there is much left unsaid? when our stories together are unfinished and it ain’t over yet…. but we still have to part. say adieu, 再見, and adios amigos. is that all? is it okay to leave half your heart in nooks and crannies not knowing if you will find your way back one day? some day…? when your lives are so intertwined that moving forwards mean saying goodbye to a part of your own heart. i think of the moment when harry potter realizes that he won’t be able to return to hogwarts ever again as a student because his calling is to find all the horcruxes so that voldemort can be vanquished, once and for all (ifthisisaspoileryouneedhelpgetyourselfovertothelibsandreadharrypotter-NOW). there is no turning back. so my heart aches and weeps.
it’s in the heartbreaks when all i can say is hallelujah.
the last lasts start and /they/just/don’t/stop/
i try to numb myself but my heart keeps growing to embrace new feelings and souls, even ’til the very end. maybe it will hurt less if i walk out this door with my eyes closed? the heart beats on. the rhythm is constant, the steady drumbeat guiding my steps away.
i turn around for a fleeting peek. surprised that i do not instantly turn into a pillar of salt, — i gasp. instead, there is a thousand hearts glittering and smiling at me, hands waving, voices cheering me on to take that next step past the door. no goodbyes, only the echoes of “can’t wait to join you” and “i am so excited for you”! maybe then, the sad goodbyes will start to disappear.
transform my heart to breathe goodbyes and exhale hellos.
till we meet again
He can’t be done with us yet