this semester i have learned how to muse, how to wonder, how to push myself to express and feel joy even in the midst of struggle titanics and monster waves. i have breathed many long sighs and discovered the newness of life among dark nights and seen many full moons come to pass. i have triumphed over long academic papers where i have tried to be an expert on a number of fantastical topics, from human trafficking to nation-building to public diplomacy, and us-china relations. i have created drawings and portraits and prints of trees and wolves and hot air balloons.
the feeling when you reach the summit of a mountain is amazing. you feel like you’re on top of the world because you’ve just conquered a little piece of nature. but you can’t stay at the top forever. eventually, you have to trek back down. getting into college seemed a sky-high impossible dream 4 years ago. here i am now. i have journeyed to the top and i have little regrets. it has been a fine mountain, college. there were moments where i wanted to give up, when assignments seemed impossible, i just couldn’t get statistics/microeconomics, or i simply managed my time poorly and procrastinated, yet again. the rocks i had to scramble, and the endless paths upwards all seem tiny from the top of my mountain.
i will probably (most definitely) be carded until i am 40, but at 22 the change resonates the most inwardly. my belief systems have found deep roots, and more than ever, i am more confident in who i was created to be. i have found inspiration in people and places. i have dreamed possibilities that will one day become realities. i have created friendships that will last for eternity, even though we may not ever serve together again, or live in the same city/state/country/continent. i have let my heart wander and settle and given pieces of it away to northwest d.c., my beloveds already in far off places, and those close to home in nj & ny.
college has given me a glimpse of acts 2. i wrote that post 2&1/2 years ago…back when i wasn’t even invested into the #auxa community in the capacity i am now. but here i am, ready to close this chapter and take all i have learned and been pushed through to a new season. i’m starting from zero again but I’ll only be going forward from here on out. higher i reach, deeper i dive.
take me deeper than my feet can ever wander
and my faith will be made stronger
in the presence
of my savior*