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it’s no longer about expectations for what is to come. good-bye to that. i’m looking forward to this moment, right now.

carpe diem at its find. live life to its fullest.

go. do. be.

So never worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own — Matthew 6:24

i talk so much about living and thriving on this blog and in my journal. but it’s real. i’m keepin’ it real here. i’m not just immersing myself in busyness so i can talk and flaunt how awesome i am at multi-tasking and being all this responsible hot-shot or something. because if i was doing all this on my own strength, i would just be a puddle of nothingness on my floor right now, crying my eyes out.

or like, how was i able to get past breaking up with my ex last semester and taking the rest of my life into stride? not my own strength for sure. because in Him I am made new, restored and whole again. there’s no fear or worry or intimidation. of course i had to process everything that happened, but now i live in no regrets.

there’s no more “looking back into the past” because i only have ONE life to live. and that’s this life now. so in this season of life, i’m learning to embrace the challenges thrown at me and to risk it all, not looking back but going forward because i know i’m walking in the path that God has set for me.

life is a big fat journey
where i walk on this narrow road
towards a shining light
sometimes i’m crawling in the dark,
or jumping from cliff to cliff.
there are times when the mountain is so steep that i want to jump off into the abyss
or sometimes i just
pass out right there on the path

or off the path i wander
into rabbit holes
and dark doorways disguised as rainbows & sunshine

but sometime, some way
i stumble back onto the narrow road
and trudge on

because there’s that itch in me to reach the light
the light motivates me
that walking this road?
i’m not just walking it
i’m THRIVING on in
living vivaciously as i
leap / jump / soar

in this season of life,
i am SOARING through clouds
fearless through storms
and finding green pastures
among the rocky trail.

unafraid.
unashamed.

on the promotional end, i’m doing this 365 project as a New Year’s resolution sorta thing on my tumblr. it’s a mixture between daily updates and a note of thanksgiving.

(excited for Once Upon a Time TOMORROW!)

possible room decor

(new york, new york by dunny)

(great wall, china)

& overcome them

reading
discovering
tumblr-ing
being inspired
finding friends’ blogs that show a glimpse of who they are,

inside behind the facebook wall posts
and the ‘about me’s”‘
the inner artist
or writer
but are they really friends?
or just people of the past,

a relationship that is hard to rekindle?
all questions
&
no answers
just whispers in the breeze
of something.

maybe sleep will
bring
an answer.

What would you do if you weren’t restrained by money, time, people? What would your dreams be if you could do anything in the world?

I’ve answered this question in another form during a small group icebreaker before. But I gave a trivial answer, something along the lines of  I wanna travel to ____ number of places, etc. But this instance needed a more, outlandish if you could call it that .. or visionary answer. It’s funny how the answer came right to my mind, that there was NO hesitation, but that it came right out of my mouth. It’s funny because now I realize how much these limitations, these material things are holding me back from my true desires. But that is a musing for another blog post.

I wanted to document that dream here, so I won’t be able to dismiss it as a passing desire, but have it stare in front of me, waiting for the day I can come back and write about how dreams turn into reality.

So my dream? What is it exactly?

to be in southeast asia working with girls enslaved in human trafficking, preferable in the aftercare process. using art therapy and skills training i want to be able to empower them & show them hope. that their lives aren’t defined by what happened to them, but by what they will do now that they are in reach of purpose and a life ahead. 

to bring light into the dark places,
that is what i desire to do.

i think this has been the best christmas eve so far. i was wrapping presents & writing last minute cards just before, and it just felt SO GOOD. it wasn’t like my presents were exceptionally wonderful or expensive and all of that stuff. but writing cards (it’s sorta like affirmations) just reminded me of how blessed i am, and how beautiful it is to say words of encouragement and thanksgiving to the ones i truly love and cherish. maybe this is me being all sentimental and mushy, but i really believe in the gifts of the heart over any pricey gift that has moneys written all over it. i must have inherited this philosophy from dear mother.

not only does she always give with physical gifts, but with thoughts – phone calls – birthdays – holidays, she always remembers everyone, from family to friends and especially to the least of those. with gift giving, i aspire to be like her. it’s never about the content or the price tag of the gift, but ALWAYS about the intention & meaning behind the gift. knowing that someone went out of their way to choose something especially for you (well let’s hope they did that hehe..), now that is precious isn’t it?

merry christmas or hannakuh, or whatever you celebrate ♥

inter-lude
holiday preparation is by far the best part of … the holiday
giving brings more euphoria,
the satisfaction in knowing
that on the other side is a happy soul
who has received a little bit that
makes their heart sigh with happiness.

so in each of these cookies
i add some sugar, some flour, some cinnamon,
LOTS of butter, more flour, a dash of eggs,
and lastly, more time, more love
so that joy fills the air,

because christmas and the holiday season
isn’t about giving gifts
no, more than that!
there’s jesus’s birthday for one,
but on the other hand, there’s family,
there’s celebration of good times and memories
and new memories, new family
time to throw away regrets
and bringing a new mindset
because a NEW YEAR IS A-COMING!

let me start off with a definition

#clublibs: a glorious place where one enters a labyrinth of procrastination. endless Facebooking/Tweeting/Tumblring happens. Hulu, Netflix, the illegal streaming website you’re not supposed to be on. anything and everything happens. except the reason you’re in the library in the first place.

this blog post serves as an informative guide for the #clublibs noobs, those scared of #clublibs, and those trying to deny the existence of #clublibs.

debunking the myths:

(false) “#clublibs does not work” — brookewilliams
(correction) well, all you have to do is switch over to #libsnotclublibs and work will get done.

(false) you cannot sleep in #clublibs
(correction) see: asianssleepinginthelibrary. point in fact, the asians populace has really taken this truth to heart. just walk into #clublibs at around two am and you’re bound to find an asian sleeping on a couch, chair(s), desk, etc.

(false) friendships cannot establish in #clublibs
(correction) i won’t speak for others (sglmieanza), but personally some of my best friendships have been birthed in the library, especially the basement. there’s just a special camaraderie people build after spending the wee hours together loling at pictures of cute dogs (or ferrets, or cats, or any small baby animal) and the like.

(false) you have to look nice in case you encounter THAT studious cute guy/girl
(correction) HELLO. WHAT IS THIS? #datinglibs?! i’m sorry to be the one breaking it to you, but that ain’t happening. most likely, the cutie has a ten page paper due at 8AM tomorrow, so say bye-bye to all your chance of flirting. #priorities! therefore, DRESS in the COMFY. flannel is good (if you don’t love flannel, nhill shares the love with you). SWEATPANTS. GLASSES. HIGH PONY. fliperfloppers!

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there are many other myths about #clublibs. maybe if there’s a great enough interest, i’ll do a follow up post. like .. “a #libsnotclublibs guide”.

I shall close with some extra tidbits about #clublibs that you might not know about.

- the technology services desk (aka the basement) rents many things. Not limited to: headphones, mac presentation connector, dell laptops, macs (props to you if you score one), laptop locks …
- mudbox official close time is 2am, but get there at 1:45 because they close early sometimes. if anything, starbucks on new mexico opens at 6am (IR research is why i know this)
- if you get into the graduate study lounge (located between SIS and Bender basement) before 8pm, ITS AWESOME
- children’s libs/3rd floor = alternative study place OR back stairwell
- don’t sit near the bathrooms. it’s just #awkwardlife hearing all the toilet flushing action that goes down

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in all seriousness, don’t take this too seriously. it’s finals week. breathe some #clublibs not because you’re stressed, but you need a de-stresser. if you really need to get work done, go somewhere you KNOW you can productive at. and no, it’s not yo’ bed.

for more study tips: see my #clublibbuddies’ blog posts { mbd } { nacho }

Who are you?

Names are important.

When it comes to my name, sometimes I’m intimated by all that my name(s) encompass. It’s daunting. But as Reina says, there is a certain power in names, and why they were given to us. Especially if they were carefully thought out & sort of a word of prophecy that your parents bestow onto you. I have many names. My parents are ambitious, I would like to say, because I have a full English name (first, middle, last) and also a Chinese name.

For my first name, I looked it up in the “etymology and history of first names” website that Reina suggested, and was kind of disappointed because the details was so sparse. But who am I kidding? Why do I even need to look Symphony up? It’s kind of self-explanatory. Synonym for orchestra. Music stuff, etc. The only thing said on the website was “Simply from the English word, ultimately deriving from Greek συμφωνος (symphonos) ”concordant in sound”. So I looked some more into what “concordant in sound”, in other words, “sounds that blend well together”. Upon examination of my life, how have I exemplified this? Being a “symphony”, has allowed me to empathize with others – to understand them even though I’m not always in the same situation as they are. With my friend groups, I think I am able to mix with a variety of people.

Middle Name: sometimes I’m more proud of this than the first, mainly because there’s biblical basis to it. Found in Matthew 21:9, Hosanna is an Aramaic religious expression הושע נא (Hosha’ na’) meaning “deliver us” in Hebrew.

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It is quite interesting to see how two Chinese immigrants gave their daughter a Greek/Hebrew name! Then again, the Chinese comes in my other name.

周以心

The first character (aka my last name – Chau in English) is the family name. According to Wiki, it’s the 10th most common surname in China. I mean, it’s not super special, besides the fact it means “bye” in Italian, but that’s besides the point. more important is the second & third characters, which are “yee sum” in Cantonese. The bible verse they come from is Philippians 2:5, and both characters appear in the Chinese version (你們當以基督耶穌的心為心). In English, the verse says “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus” (NIV).  My parents gave me this name with hoping that my heart can be just like Jesus. Pretty amazing to think back upon and great expectations.

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With all this name stuff in mind, am I living up to the names my parents gave me?

I’d like to think that I’m going towards that direction. Not only having these names as my foundational makeup, but allowing them to permeate through my life, shaping and transforming how I live life and presenting myself towards other people. Meshing well with others, not quite “delivering people”, but bringing that praise to others around me, and lastly, trying to formulate an attitude that follows J.C.

fin.